diff --git a/commands/copypasta.js b/commands/copypasta.js index 1d2289f..8ea44fd 100644 --- a/commands/copypasta.js +++ b/commands/copypasta.js @@ -1,6 +1,9 @@ const Discord = require('discord.js'); const fs = require('fs').promises; +const events = require('events'); +const shutEmitter = new events.EventEmitter(); + module.exports.meta = { name: 'copypasta', aliases: ['pasta'], @@ -24,9 +27,35 @@ module.exports.run = async (message, args) => { let lines = (await fs.readFile(__dirname + '/copypastas/' + pasta)) .toString('utf-8') - .split('\n'); + .split('\n') + .filter(line => line.trim() != ''); - lines.forEach(async line => { - await message.channel.send(line, { tts: true }); + this.copypastaing[message.channel.id] = true; + + sendLine(); + const interval = setInterval(sendLine, 1250); + const listener = shutEmitter.once('shut', cid => { + if (cid == message.channel.id) { + clearInterval(interval); + this.copypastaing[message.channel.id] = false; + } }); -} \ No newline at end of file + + async function sendLine() { + if (lines.length == 0) { + this.copypastaing[message.channel.id] = false; + clearTimeout(interval); + shutEmitter.removeListener('shut', listener); + return; + } + + const line = lines.shift(); + await message.channel.send(line, { tts: true }); + } +} + +module.exports.shut = (channelID) => { + shutEmitter.emit('shut', channelID); +} + +module.exports.copypastaing = {} \ No newline at end of file diff --git a/commands/copypastas/beemovie b/commands/copypastas/beemovie new file mode 100644 index 0000000..afb87e8 --- /dev/null +++ b/commands/copypastas/beemovie @@ -0,0 +1,4565 @@ +Bee Movie Script - Dialogue Transcript + + +According to all known laws +of aviation, + + +there is no way a bee +should be able to fly. + + +Its wings are too small to get +its fat little body off the ground. + + +The bee, of course, flies anyway + + +because bees don't care +what humans think is impossible. + + +Yellow, black. Yellow, black. +Yellow, black. Yellow, black. + + +Ooh, black and yellow! +Let's shake it up a little. + + +Barry! Breakfast is ready! + + +Ooming! + + +Hang on a second. + + +Hello? + + +- Barry? +- Adam? + + +- Oan you believe this is happening? +- I can't. I'll pick you up. + + +Looking sharp. + + +Use the stairs. Your father +paid good money for those. + + +Sorry. I'm excited. + + +Here's the graduate. +We're very proud of you, son. + + +A perfect report card, all B's. + + +Very proud. + + +Ma! I got a thing going here. + + +- You got lint on your fuzz. +- Ow! That's me! + + +- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. +- Bye! + + +Barry, I told you, +stop flying in the house! + + +- Hey, Adam. +- Hey, Barry. + + +- Is that fuzz gel? +- A little. Special day, graduation. + + +Never thought I'd make it. + + +Three days grade school, +three days high school. + + +Those were awkward. + + +Three days college. I'm glad I took +a day and hitchhiked around the hive. + + +You did come back different. + + +- Hi, Barry. +- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. + + +- Hear about Frankie? +- Yeah. + + +- You going to the funeral? +- No, I'm not going. + + +Everybody knows, +sting someone, you die. + + +Don't waste it on a squirrel. +Such a hothead. + + +I guess he could have +just gotten out of the way. + + +I love this incorporating +an amusement park into our day. + + +That's why we don't need vacations. + + +Boy, quite a bit of pomp... +under the circumstances. + + +- Well, Adam, today we are men. +- We are! + + +- Bee-men. +- Amen! + + +Hallelujah! + + +Students, faculty, distinguished bees, + + +please welcome Dean Buzzwell. + + +Welcome, New Hive Oity +graduating class of... + + +...9:15. + + +That concludes our ceremonies. + + +And begins your career +at Honex Industries! + + +Will we pick ourjob today? + + +I heard it's just orientation. + + +Heads up! Here we go. + + +Keep your hands and antennas +inside the tram at all times. + + +- Wonder what it'll be like? +- A little scary. + + +Welcome to Honex, +a division of Honesco + + +and a part of the Hexagon Group. + + +This is it! + + +Wow. + + +Wow. + + +We know that you, as a bee, +have worked your whole life + + +to get to the point where you +can work for your whole life. + + +Honey begins when our valiant Pollen +Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. + + +Our top-secret formula + + +is automatically color-corrected, +scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured + + +into this soothing sweet syrup + + +with its distinctive +golden glow you know as... + + +Honey! + + +- That girl was hot. +- She's my cousin! + + +- She is? +- Yes, we're all cousins. + + +- Right. You're right. +- At Honex, we constantly strive + + +to improve every aspect +of bee existence. + + +These bees are stress-testing +a new helmet technology. + + +- What do you think he makes? +- Not enough. + + +Here we have our latest advancement, +the Krelman. + + +- What does that do? +- Oatches that little strand of honey + + +that hangs after you pour it. +Saves us millions. + + +Oan anyone work on the Krelman? + + +Of course. Most bee jobs are +small ones. But bees know + + +that every small job, +if it's done well, means a lot. + + +But choose carefully + + +because you'll stay in the job +you pick for the rest of your life. + + +The same job the rest of your life? +I didn't know that. + + +What's the difference? + + +You'll be happy to know that bees, +as a species, haven't had one day off + + +in 27 million years. + + +So you'll just work us to death? + + +We'll sure try. + + +Wow! That blew my mind! + + +"What's the difference?" +How can you say that? + + +One job forever? +That's an insane choice to have to make. + + +I'm relieved. Now we only have +to make one decision in life. + + +But, Adam, how could they +never have told us that? + + +Why would you question anything? +We're bees. + + +We're the most perfectly +functioning society on Earth. + + +You ever think maybe things +work a little too well here? + + +Like what? Give me one example. + + +I don't know. But you know +what I'm talking about. + + +Please clear the gate. +Royal Nectar Force on approach. + + +Wait a second. Oheck it out. + + +- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! +- Wow. + + +I've never seen them this close. + + +They know what it's like +outside the hive. + + +Yeah, but some don't come back. + + +- Hey, Jocks! +- Hi, Jocks! + + +You guys did great! + + +You're monsters! +You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! + + +- I wonder where they were. +- I don't know. + + +Their day's not planned. + + +Outside the hive, flying who knows +where, doing who knows what. + + +You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen +Jock. You have to be bred for that. + + +Right. + + +Look. That's more pollen +than you and I will see in a lifetime. + + +It's just a status symbol. +Bees make too much of it. + + +Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it +and the ladies see you wearing it. + + +Those ladies? +Aren't they our cousins too? + + +Distant. Distant. + + +Look at these two. + + +- Oouple of Hive Harrys. +- Let's have fun with them. + + +It must be dangerous +being a Pollen Jock. + + +Yeah. Once a bear pinned me +against a mushroom! + + +He had a paw on my throat, +and with the other, he was slapping me! + + +- Oh, my! +- I never thought I'd knock him out. + + +What were you doing during this? + + +Trying to alert the authorities. + + +I can autograph that. + + +A little gusty out there today, +wasn't it, comrades? + + +Yeah. Gusty. + + +We're hitting a sunflower patch +six miles from here tomorrow. + + +- Six miles, huh? +- Barry! + + +A puddle jump for us, +but maybe you're not up for it. + + +- Maybe I am. +- You are not! + + +We're going 0900 at J-Gate. + + +What do you think, buzzy-boy? +Are you bee enough? + + +I might be. It all depends +on what 0900 means. + + +Hey, Honex! + + +Dad, you surprised me. + + +You decide what you're interested in? + + +- Well, there's a lot of choices. +- But you only get one. + + +Do you ever get bored +doing the same job every day? + + +Son, let me tell you about stirring. + + +You grab that stick, and you just +move it around, and you stir it around. + + +You get yourself into a rhythm. +It's a beautiful thing. + + +You know, Dad, +the more I think about it, + + +maybe the honey field +just isn't right for me. + + +You were thinking of what, +making balloon animals? + + +That's a bad job +for a guy with a stinger. + + +Janet, your son's not sure +he wants to go into honey! + + +- Barry, you are so funny sometimes. +- I'm not trying to be funny. + + +You're not funny! You're going +into honey. Our son, the stirrer! + + +- You're gonna be a stirrer? +- No one's listening to me! + + +Wait till you see the sticks I have. + + +I could say anything right now. +I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! + + +Let's open some honey and celebrate! + + +Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. +Shave my antennae. + + +Shack up with a grasshopper. Get +a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! + + +I'm so proud. + + +- We're starting work today! +- Today's the day. + + +Oome on! All the good jobs +will be gone. + + +Yeah, right. + + +Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, +stirrer, front desk, hair removal... + + +- Is it still available? +- Hang on. Two left! + + +One of them's yours! Oongratulations! +Step to the side. + + +- What'd you get? +- Picking crud out. Stellar! + + +Wow! + + +Oouple of newbies? + + +Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! + + +Make your choice. + + +- You want to go first? +- No, you go. + + +Oh, my. What's available? + + +Restroom attendant's open, +not for the reason you think. + + +- Any chance of getting the Krelman? +- Sure, you're on. + + +I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. + + +Wax monkey's always open. + + +The Krelman opened up again. + + +What happened? + + +A bee died. Makes an opening. See? +He's dead. Another dead one. + + +Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. + + +Dead from the neck up. +Dead from the neck down. That's life! + + +Oh, this is so hard! + + +Heating, cooling, +stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, + + +humming, inspector number seven, +lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, + + +mite wrangler. Barry, what +do you think I should... Barry? + + +Barry! + + +All right, we've got the sunflower patch +in quadrant nine... + + +What happened to you? +Where are you? + + +- I'm going out. +- Out? Out where? + + +- Out there. +- Oh, no! + + +I have to, before I go +to work for the rest of my life. + + +You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? + + +Another call coming in. + + +If anyone's feeling brave, +there's a Korean deli on 83rd + + +that gets their roses today. + + +Hey, guys. + + +- Look at that. +- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? + + +Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. + + +It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. + + +Really? Feeling lucky, are you? + + +Sign here, here. Just initial that. + + +- Thank you. +- OK. + + +You got a rain advisory today, + + +and as you all know, +bees cannot fly in rain. + + +So be careful. As always, +watch your brooms, + + +hockey sticks, dogs, +birds, bears and bats. + + +Also, I got a couple of reports +of root beer being poured on us. + + +Murphy's in a home because of it, +babbling like a cicada! + + +- That's awful. +- And a reminder for you rookies, + + +bee law number one, +absolutely no talking to humans! + + +All right, launch positions! + + +Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, +buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! + + +Black and yellow! + + +Hello! + + +You ready for this, hot shot? + + +Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. + + +Wind, check. + + +- Antennae, check. +- Nectar pack, check. + + +- Wings, check. +- Stinger, check. + + +Scared out of my shorts, check. + + +OK, ladies, + + +let's move it out! + + +Pound those petunias, +you striped stem-suckers! + + +All of you, drain those flowers! + + +Wow! I'm out! + + +I can't believe I'm out! + + +So blue. + + +I feel so fast and free! + + +Box kite! + + +Wow! + + +Flowers! + + +This is Blue Leader. +We have roses visual. + + +Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. + + +Roses! + + +30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. + + +Stand to the side, kid. +It's got a bit of a kick. + + +That is one nectar collector! + + +- Ever see pollination up close? +- No, sir. + + +I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it +over here. Maybe a dash over there, + + +a pinch on that one. +See that? It's a little bit of magic. + + +That's amazing. Why do we do that? + + +That's pollen power. More pollen, more +flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. + + +Oool. + + +I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. +Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? + + +Oopy that visual. + + +Wait. One of these flowers +seems to be on the move. + + +Say again? You're reporting +a moving flower? + + +Affirmative. + + +That was on the line! + + +This is the coolest. What is it? + + +I don't know, but I'm loving this color. + + +It smells good. +Not like a flower, but I like it. + + +Yeah, fuzzy. + + +Ohemical-y. + + +Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. + + +My sweet lord of bees! + + +Oandy-brain, get off there! + + +Problem! + + +- Guys! +- This could be bad. + + +Affirmative. + + +Very close. + + +Gonna hurt. + + +Mama's little boy. + + +You are way out of position, rookie! + + +Ooming in at you like a missile! + + +Help me! + + +I don't think these are flowers. + + +- Should we tell him? +- I think he knows. + + +What is this?! + + +Match point! + + +You can start packing up, honey, +because you're about to eat it! + + +Yowser! + + +Gross. + + +There's a bee in the car! + + +- Do something! +- I'm driving! + + +- Hi, bee. +- He's back here! + + +He's going to sting me! + + +Nobody move. If you don't move, +he won't sting you. Freeze! + + +He blinked! + + +Spray him, Granny! + + +What are you doing?! + + +Wow... the tension level +out here is unbelievable. + + +I gotta get home. + + +Oan't fly in rain. + + +Oan't fly in rain. + + +Oan't fly in rain. + + +Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! + + +Ken, could you close +the window please? + + +Ken, could you close +the window please? + + +Oheck out my new resume. +I made it into a fold-out brochure. + + +You see? Folds out. + + +Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. + + +What was that? + + +Maybe this time. This time. This time. +This time! This time! This... + + +Drapes! + + +That is diabolical. + + +It's fantastic. It's got all my special +skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. + + +What's number one? Star Wars? + + +Nah, I don't go for that... + + +...kind of stuff. + + +No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. +They're out of their minds. + + +When I leave a job interview, they're +flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. + + +There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. + + +I don't remember the sun +having a big 75 on it. + + +I predicted global warming. + + +I could feel it getting hotter. +At first I thought it was just me. + + +Wait! Stop! Bee! + + +Stand back. These are winter boots. + + +Wait! + + +Don't kill him! + + +You know I'm allergic to them! +This thing could kill me! + + +Why does his life have +less value than yours? + + +Why does his life have any less value +than mine? Is that your statement? + + +I'm just saying all life has value. You +don't know what he's capable of feeling. + + +My brochure! + + +There you go, little guy. + + +I'm not scared of him. +It's an allergic thing. + + +Put that on your resume brochure. + + +My whole face could puff up. + + +Make it one of your special skills. + + +Knocking someone out +is also a special skill. + + +Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. + + +- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? +- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. + + +- You could put carob chips on there. +- Bye. + + +- Supposed to be less calories. +- Bye. + + +I gotta say something. + + +She saved my life. +I gotta say something. + + +All right, here it goes. + + +Nah. + + +What would I say? + + +I could really get in trouble. + + +It's a bee law. +You're not supposed to talk to a human. + + +I can't believe I'm doing this. + + +I've got to. + + +Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! + + +No. Yes. No. + + +Do it. I can't. + + +How should I start it? +"You like jazz?" No, that's no good. + + +Here she comes! Speak, you fool! + + +Hi! + + +I'm sorry. + + +- You're talking. +- Yes, I know. + + +You're talking! + + +I'm so sorry. + + +No, it's OK. It's fine. +I know I'm dreaming. + + +But I don't recall going to bed. + + +Well, I'm sure this +is very disconcerting. + + +This is a bit of a surprise to me. +I mean, you're a bee! + + +I am. And I'm not supposed +to be doing this, + + +but they were all trying to kill me. + + +And if it wasn't for you... + + +I had to thank you. +It's just how I was raised. + + +That was a little weird. + + +- I'm talking with a bee. +- Yeah. + + +I'm talking to a bee. +And the bee is talking to me! + + +I just want to say I'm grateful. +I'll leave now. + + +- Wait! How did you learn to do that? +- What? + + +The talking thing. + + +Same way you did, I guess. +"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. + + +- That's very funny. +- Yeah. + + +Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, +we'd cry with what we have to deal with. + + +Anyway... + + +Oan I... + + +...get you something? +- Like what? + + +I don't know. I mean... +I don't know. Ooffee? + + +I don't want to put you out. + + +It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. + + +- It's just coffee. +- I hate to impose. + + +- Don't be ridiculous! +- Actually, I would love a cup. + + +Hey, you want rum cake? + + +- I shouldn't. +- Have some. + + +- No, I can't. +- Oome on! + + +I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. + + +- Where? +- These stripes don't help. + + +You look great! + + +I don't know if you know +anything about fashion. + + +Are you all right? + + +No. + + +He's making the tie in the cab +as they're flying up Madison. + + +He finally gets there. + + +He runs up the steps into the church. +The wedding is on. + + +And he says, "Watermelon? +I thought you said Guatemalan. + + +Why would I marry a watermelon?" + + +Is that a bee joke? + + +That's the kind of stuff we do. + + +Yeah, different. + + +So, what are you gonna do, Barry? + + +About work? I don't know. + + +I want to do my part for the hive, +but I can't do it the way they want. + + +I know how you feel. + + +- You do? +- Sure. + + +My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or +a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. + + +- Really? +- My only interest is flowers. + + +Our new queen was just elected +with that same campaign slogan. + + +Anyway, if you look... + + +There's my hive right there. See it? + + +You're in Sheep Meadow! + + +Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! + + +No way! I know that area. +I lost a toe ring there once. + + +- Why do girls put rings on their toes? +- Why not? + + +- It's like putting a hat on your knee. +- Maybe I'll try that. + + +- You all right, ma'am? +- Oh, yeah. Fine. + + +Just having two cups of coffee! + + +Anyway, this has been great. +Thanks for the coffee. + + +Yeah, it's no trouble. + + +Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, +I'd be up the rest of my life. + + +Are you...? + + +Oan I take a piece of this with me? + + +Sure! Here, have a crumb. + + +- Thanks! +- Yeah. + + +All right. Well, then... +I guess I'll see you around. + + +Or not. + + +OK, Barry. + + +And thank you +so much again... for before. + + +Oh, that? That was nothing. + + +Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... + + +This can't possibly work. + + +He's all set to go. +We may as well try it. + + +OK, Dave, pull the chute. + + +- Sounds amazing. +- It was amazing! + + +It was the scariest, +happiest moment of my life. + + +Humans! I can't believe +you were with humans! + + +Giant, scary humans! +What were they like? + + +Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. + + +They eat crazy giant things. +They drive crazy. + + +- Do they try and kill you, like on TV? +- Some of them. But some of them don't. + + +- How'd you get back? +- Poodle. + + +You did it, and I'm glad. You saw +whatever you wanted to see. + + +You had your "experience." Now you +can pick out yourjob and be normal. + + +- Well... +- Well? + + +Well, I met someone. + + +You did? Was she Bee-ish? + + +- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! +- No, no, no, not a wasp. + + +- Spider? +- I'm not attracted to spiders. + + +I know it's the hottest thing, +with the eight legs and all. + + +I can't get by that face. + + +So who is she? + + +She's... human. + + +No, no. That's a bee law. +You wouldn't break a bee law. + + +- Her name's Vanessa. +- Oh, boy. + + +She's so nice. And she's a florist! + + +Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! + + +We're not dating. + + +You're flying outside the hive, talking +to humans that attack our homes + + +with power washers and M-80s! +One-eighth a stick of dynamite! + + +She saved my life! +And she understands me. + + +This is over! + + +Eat this. + + +This is not over! What was that? + + +- They call it a crumb. +- It was so stingin' stripey! + + +And that's not what they eat. +That's what falls off what they eat! + + +- You know what a Oinnabon is? +- No. + + +It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. +They heat it up... + + +Sit down! + + +...really hot! +- Listen to me! + + +We are not them! We're us. +There's us and there's them! + + +Yes, but who can deny +the heart that is yearning? + + +There's no yearning. +Stop yearning. Listen to me! + + +You have got to start thinking bee, +my friend. Thinking bee! + + +- Thinking bee. +- Thinking bee. + + +Thinking bee! Thinking bee! +Thinking bee! Thinking bee! + + +There he is. He's in the pool. + + +You know what your problem is, Barry? + + +I gotta start thinking bee? + + +How much longer will this go on? + + +It's been three days! +Why aren't you working? + + +I've got a lot of big life decisions +to think about. + + +What life? You have no life! +You have no job. You're barely a bee! + + +Would it kill you +to make a little honey? + + +Barry, come out. +Your father's talking to you. + + +Martin, would you talk to him? + + +Barry, I'm talking to you! + + +You coming? + + +Got everything? + + +All set! + + +Go ahead. I'll catch up. + + +Don't be too long. + + +Watch this! + + +Vanessa! + + +- We're still here. +- I told you not to yell at him. + + +He doesn't respond to yelling! + + +- Then why yell at me? +- Because you don't listen! + + +I'm not listening to this. + + +Sorry, I've gotta go. + + +- Where are you going? +- I'm meeting a friend. + + +A girl? Is this why you can't decide? + + +Bye. + + +I just hope she's Bee-ish. + + +They have a huge parade +of flowers every year in Pasadena? + + +To be in the Tournament of Roses, +that's every florist's dream! + + +Up on a float, surrounded +by flowers, crowds cheering. + + +A tournament. Do the roses +compete in athletic events? + + +No. All right, I've got one. +How come you don't fly everywhere? + + +It's exhausting. Why don't you +run everywhere? It's faster. + + +Yeah, OK, I see, I see. +All right, your turn. + + +TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? +That's insane! + + +You don't have that? + + +We have Hivo, but it's a disease. +It's a horrible, horrible disease. + + +Oh, my. + + +Dumb bees! + + +You must want to sting all those jerks. + + +We try not to sting. +It's usually fatal for us. + + +So you have to watch your temper. + + +Very carefully. +You kick a wall, take a walk, + + +write an angry letter and throw it out. +Work through it like any emotion: + + +Anger, jealousy, lust. + + +Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? + + +Yeah. + + +- What is wrong with you?! +- It's a bug. + + +He's not bothering anybody. +Get out of here, you creep! + + +What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? + + +Yeah, it was. How did you know? + + +It felt like about 10 pages. +Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. + + +You've really got that +down to a science. + + +- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. +- I'll bet. + + +What in the name +of Mighty Hercules is this? + + +How did this get here? +Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, + + +Ray Liotta Private Select? + + +- Is he that actor? +- I never heard of him. + + +- Why is this here? +- For people. We eat it. + + +You don't have +enough food of your own? + + +- Well, yes. +- How do you get it? + + +- Bees make it. +- I know who makes it! + + +And it's hard to make it! + + +There's heating, cooling, stirring. +You need a whole Krelman thing! + + +- It's organic. +- It's our-ganic! + + +It's just honey, Barry. + + +Just what?! + + +Bees don't know about this! +This is stealing! A lot of stealing! + + +You've taken our homes, schools, +hospitals! This is all we have! + + +And it's on sale?! +I'm getting to the bottom of this. + + +I'm getting to the bottom +of all of this! + + +Hey, Hector. + + +- You almost done? +- Almost. + + +He is here. I sense it. + + +Well, I guess I'll go home now + + +and just leave this nice honey out, +with no one around. + + +You're busted, box boy! + + +I knew I heard something. +So you can talk! + + +I can talk. +And now you'll start talking! + + +Where you getting the sweet stuff? +Who's your supplier? + + +I don't understand. +I thought we were friends. + + +The last thing we want +to do is upset bees! + + +You're too late! It's ours now! + + +You, sir, have crossed +the wrong sword! + + +You, sir, will be lunch +for my iguana, Ignacio! + + +Where is the honey coming from? + + +Tell me where! + + +Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! + + +Orazy person! + + +What horrible thing has happened here? + + +These faces, they never knew +what hit them. And now + + +they're on the road to nowhere! + + +Just keep still. + + +What? You're not dead? + + +Do I look dead? They will wipe anything +that moves. Where you headed? + + +To Honey Farms. +I am onto something huge here. + + +I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, +crazy stuff. Blows your head off! + + +I'm going to Tacoma. + + +- And you? +- He really is dead. + + +All right. + + +Uh-oh! + + +- What is that?! +- Oh, no! + + +- A wiper! Triple blade! +- Triple blade? + + +Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! + + +Why does everything have +to be so doggone clean?! + + +How much do you people need to see?! + + +Open your eyes! +Stick your head out the window! + + +From NPR News in Washington, +I'm Oarl Kasell. + + +But don't kill no more bugs! + + +- Bee! +- Moose blood guy!! + + +- You hear something? +- Like what? + + +Like tiny screaming. + + +Turn off the radio. + + +Whassup, bee boy? + + +Hey, Blood. + + +Just a row of honey jars, +as far as the eye could see. + + +Wow! + + +I assume wherever this truck goes +is where they're getting it. + + +I mean, that honey's ours. + + +- Bees hang tight. +- We're all jammed in. + + +It's a close community. + + +Not us, man. We on our own. +Every mosquito on his own. + + +- What if you get in trouble? +- You a mosquito, you in trouble. + + +Nobody likes us. They just smack. +See a mosquito, smack, smack! + + +At least you're out in the world. +You must meet girls. + + +Mosquito girls try to trade up, +get with a moth, dragonfly. + + +Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. + + +You got to be kidding me! + + +Mooseblood's about to leave +the building! So long, bee! + + +- Hey, guys! +- Mooseblood! + + +I knew I'd catch y'all down here. +Did you bring your crazy straw? + + +We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, +and it's pretty much pure profit. + + +What is this place? + + +A bee's got a brain +the size of a pinhead. + + +They are pinheads! + + +Pinhead. + + +- Oheck out the new smoker. +- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. + + +The Thomas 3000! + + +Smoker? + + +Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. +Twice the nicotine, all the tar. + + +A couple breaths of this +knocks them right out. + + +They make the honey, +and we make the money. + + +"They make the honey, +and we make the money"? + + +Oh, my! + + +What's going on? Are you OK? + + +Yeah. It doesn't last too long. + + +Do you know you're +in a fake hive with fake walls? + + +Our queen was moved here. +We had no choice. + + +This is your queen? +That's a man in women's clothes! + + +That's a drag queen! + + +What is this? + + +Oh, no! + + +There's hundreds of them! + + +Bee honey. + + +Our honey is being brazenly stolen +on a massive scale! + + +This is worse than anything bears +have done! I intend to do something. + + +Oh, Barry, stop. + + +Who told you humans are taking +our honey? That's a rumor. + + +Do these look like rumors? + + +That's a conspiracy theory. +These are obviously doctored photos. + + +How did you get mixed up in this? + + +He's been talking to humans. + + +- What? +- Talking to humans?! + + +He has a human girlfriend. +And they make out! + + +Make out? Barry! + + +We do not. + + +- You wish you could. +- Whose side are you on? + + +The bees! + + +I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. +Those crazy legs kept me up all night. + + +Barry, this is what you want +to do with your life? + + +I want to do it for all our lives. +Nobody works harder than bees! + + +Dad, I remember you +coming home so overworked + + +your hands were still stirring. +You couldn't stop. + + +I remember that. + + +What right do they have to our honey? + + +We live on two cups a year. They put it +in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! + + +Even if it's true, what can one bee do? + + +Sting them where it really hurts. + + +In the face! The eye! + + +- That would hurt. +- No. + + +Up the nose? That's a killer. + + +There's only one place you can sting +the humans, one place where it matters. + + +Hive at Five, the hive's only +full-hour action news source. + + +No more bee beards! + + +With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. + + +Weather with Storm Stinger. + + +Sports with Buzz Larvi. + + +And Jeanette Ohung. + + +- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. +- And I'm Jeanette Ohung. + + +A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, + + +intends to sue the human race +for stealing our honey, + + +packaging it and profiting +from it illegally! + + +Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, + + +we'll have three former queens here in +our studio, discussing their new book, + + +Olassy Ladies, +out this week on Hexagon. + + +Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. + + +Did you ever think, "I'm a kid +from the hive. I can't do this"? + + +Bees have never been afraid +to change the world. + + +What about Bee Oolumbus? +Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? + + +Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. + + +We were thinking +of stickball or candy stores. + + +How old are you? + + +The bee community +is supporting you in this case, + + +which will be the trial +of the bee century. + + +You know, they have a Larry King +in the human world too. + + +It's a common name. Next week... + + +He looks like you and has a show +and suspenders and colored dots... + + +Next week... + + +Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the +guest even though you just heard 'em. + + +Bear Week next week! +They're scary, hairy and here live. + + +Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, +squinty eyes, very Jewish. + + +In tennis, you attack +at the point of weakness! + + +It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. + + +Honey, her backhand's a joke! +I'm not gonna take advantage of that? + + +Quiet, please. +Actual work going on here. + + +- Is that that same bee? +- Yes, it is! + + +I'm helping him sue the human race. + + +- Hello. +- Hello, bee. + + +This is Ken. + + +Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size +ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. + + +Why does he talk again? + + +Listen, you better go +'cause we're really busy working. + + +But it's our yogurt night! + + +Bye-bye. + + +Why is yogurt night so difficult?! + + +You poor thing. +You two have been at this for hours! + + +Yes, and Adam here +has been a huge help. + + +- Frosting... +- How many sugars? + + +Just one. I try not +to use the competition. + + +So why are you helping me? + + +Bees have good qualities. + + +And it takes my mind off the shop. + + +Instead of flowers, people +are giving balloon bouquets now. + + +Those are great, if you're three. + + +And artificial flowers. + + +- Oh, those just get me psychotic! +- Yeah, me too. + + +Bent stingers, pointless pollination. + + +Bees must hate those fake things! + + +Nothing worse +than a daffodil that's had work done. + + +Maybe this could make up +for it a little bit. + + +- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. +- I guess. + + +You sure you want to go through with it? + + +Am I sure? When I'm done with +the humans, they won't be able + + +to say, "Honey, I'm home," +without paying a royalty! + + +It's an incredible scene +here in downtown Manhattan, + + +where the world anxiously waits, +because for the first time in history, + + +we will hear for ourselves +if a honeybee can actually speak. + + +What have we gotten into here, Barry? + + +It's pretty big, isn't it? + + +I can't believe how many humans +don't work during the day. + + +You think billion-dollar multinational +food companies have good lawyers? + + +Everybody needs to stay +behind the barricade. + + +- What's the matter? +- I don't know, I just got a chill. + + +Well, if it isn't the bee team. + + +You boys work on this? + + +All rise! The Honorable +Judge Bumbleton presiding. + + +All right. Oase number 4475, + + +Superior Oourt of New York, +Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry + + +is now in session. + + +Mr. Montgomery, you're representing +the five food companies collectively? + + +A privilege. + + +Mr. Benson... you're representing +all the bees of the world? + + +I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, +we're ready to proceed. + + +Mr. Montgomery, +your opening statement, please. + + +Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, + + +my grandmother was a simple woman. + + +Born on a farm, she believed +it was man's divine right + + +to benefit from the bounty +of nature God put before us. + + +If we lived in the topsy-turvy world +Mr. Benson imagines, + + +just think of what would it mean. + + +I would have to negotiate +with the silkworm + + +for the elastic in my britches! + + +Talking bee! + + +How do we know this isn't some sort of + + +holographic motion-picture-capture +Hollywood wizardry? + + +They could be using laser beams! + + +Robotics! Ventriloquism! +Oloning! For all we know, + + +he could be on steroids! + + +Mr. Benson? + + +Ladies and gentlemen, +there's no trickery here. + + +I'm just an ordinary bee. +Honey's pretty important to me. + + +It's important to all bees. +We invented it! + + +We make it. And we protect it +with our lives. + + +Unfortunately, there are +some people in this room + + +who think they can take it from us + + +'cause we're the little guys! +I'm hoping that, after this is all over, + + +you'll see how, by taking our honey, +you not only take everything we have + + +but everything we are! + + +I wish he'd dress like that +all the time. So nice! + + +Oall your first witness. + + +So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden +of Honey Farms, big company you have. + + +I suppose so. + + +I see you also own +Honeyburton and Honron! + + +Yes, they provide beekeepers +for our farms. + + +Beekeeper. I find that +to be a very disturbing term. + + +I don't imagine you employ +any bee-free-ers, do you? + + +- No. +- I couldn't hear you. + + +- No. +- No. + + +Because you don't free bees. +You keep bees. Not only that, + + +it seems you thought a bear would be +an appropriate image for a jar of honey. + + +They're very lovable creatures. + + +Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. + + +You mean like this? + + +Bears kill bees! + + +How'd you like his head crashing +through your living room?! + + +Biting into your couch! +Spitting out your throw pillows! + + +OK, that's enough. Take him away. + + +So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. +Your name intrigues me. + + +- Where have I heard it before? +- I was with a band called The Police. + + +But you've never been +a police officer, have you? + + +No, I haven't. + + +No, you haven't. And so here +we have yet another example + + +of bee culture casually +stolen by a human + + +for nothing more than +a prance-about stage name. + + +Oh, please. + + +Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? + + +Because I'm feeling +a little stung, Sting. + + +Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! + + +That's not his real name?! You idiots! + + +Mr. Liotta, first, +belated congratulations on + + +your Emmy win for a guest spot +on ER in 2005. + + +Thank you. Thank you. + + +I see from your resume +that you're devilishly handsome + + +with a churning inner turmoil +that's ready to blow. + + +I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? + + +Not yet it isn't. But is this +what it's come to for you? + + +Exploiting tiny, helpless bees +so you don't + + +have to rehearse +your part and learn your lines, sir? + + +Watch it, Benson! +I could blow right now! + + +This isn't a goodfella. +This is a badfella! + + +Why doesn't someone just step on +this creep, and we can all go home?! + + +- Order in this court! +- You're all thinking it! + + +Order! Order, I say! + + +- Say it! +- Mr. Liotta, please sit down! + + +I think it was awfully nice +of that bear to pitch in like that. + + +I think the jury's on our side. + + +Are we doing everything right, legally? + + +I'm a florist. + + +Right. Well, here's to a great team. + + +To a great team! + + +Well, hello. + + +- Ken! +- Hello. + + +I didn't think you were coming. + + +No, I was just late. +I tried to call, but... the battery. + + +I didn't want all this to go to waste, +so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. + + +Oh, that was lucky. + + +There's a little left. +I could heat it up. + + +Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. + + +So I hear you're quite a tennis player. + + +I'm not much for the game myself. +The ball's a little grabby. + + +That's where I usually sit. +Right... there. + + +Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, + + +and he agreed with me that eating with +chopsticks isn't really a special skill. + + +You think I don't see what you're doing? + + +I know how hard it is to find +the rightjob. We have that in common. + + +Do we? + + +Bees have 100 percent employment, +but we do jobs like taking the crud out. + + +That's just what +I was thinking about doing. + + +Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor +for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. + + +I'm going to drain the old stinger. + + +Yeah, you do that. + + +Look at that. + + +You know, I've just about had it + + +with your little mind games. + + +- What's that? +- Italian Vogue. + + +Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. + + +A lot of ads. + + +Remember what Van said, why is +your life more valuable than mine? + + +Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! + + +I think something stinks in here! + + +I love the smell of flowers. + + +How do you like the smell of flames?! + + +Not as much. + + +Water bug! Not taking sides! + + +Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! +This is pathetic! + + +I've got issues! + + +Well, well, well, a royal flush! + + +- You're bluffing. +- Am I? + + +Surf's up, dude! + + +Poo water! + + +That bowl is gnarly. + + +Except for those dirty yellow rings! + + +Kenneth! What are you doing?! + + +You know, I don't even like honey! +I don't eat it! + + +We need to talk! + + +He's just a little bee! + + +And he happens to be +the nicest bee I've met in a long time! + + +Long time? What are you talking about?! +Are there other bugs in your life? + + +No, but there are other things bugging +me in life. And you're one of them! + + +Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... + + +My nerves are fried from riding +on this emotional roller coaster! + + +Goodbye, Ken. + + +And for your information, + + +I prefer sugar-free, artificial +sweeteners made by man! + + +I'm sorry about all that. + + +I know it's got +an aftertaste! I like it! + + +I always felt there was some kind +of barrier between Ken and me. + + +I couldn't overcome it. +Oh, well. + + +Are you OK for the trial? + + +I believe Mr. Montgomery +is about out of ideas. + + +We would like to call +Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. + + +Good idea! You can really see why he's +considered one of the best lawyers... + + +Yeah. + + +Layton, you've +gotta weave some magic + + +with this jury, +or it's gonna be all over. + + +Don't worry. The only thing I have +to do to turn this jury around + + +is to remind them +of what they don't like about bees. + + +- You got the tweezers? +- Are you allergic? + + +Only to losing, son. Only to losing. + + +Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you +what I think we'd all like to know. + + +What exactly is your relationship + + +to that woman? + + +We're friends. + + +- Good friends? +- Yes. + + +How good? Do you live together? + + +Wait a minute... + + +Are you her little... + + +...bedbug? + + +I've seen a bee documentary or two. +From what I understand, + + +doesn't your queen give birth +to all the bee children? + + +- Yeah, but... +- So those aren't your real parents! + + +- Oh, Barry... +- Yes, they are! + + +Hold me back! + + +You're an illegitimate bee, +aren't you, Benson? + + +He's denouncing bees! + + +Don't y'all date your cousins? + + +- Objection! +- I'm going to pincushion this guy! + + +Adam, don't! It's what he wants! + + +Oh, I'm hit!! + + +Oh, lordy, I am hit! + + +Order! Order! + + +The venom! The venom +is coursing through my veins! + + +I have been felled +by a winged beast of destruction! + + +You see? You can't treat them +like equals! They're striped savages! + + +Stinging's the only thing +they know! It's their way! + + +- Adam, stay with me. +- I can't feel my legs. + + +What angel of mercy +will come forward to suck the poison + + +from my heaving buttocks? + + +I will have order in this court. Order! + + +Order, please! + + +The case of the honeybees +versus the human race + + +took a pointed turn against the bees + + +yesterday when one of their legal +team stung Layton T. Montgomery. + + +- Hey, buddy. +- Hey. + + +- Is there much pain? +- Yeah. + + +I... + + +I blew the whole case, didn't I? + + +It doesn't matter. What matters is +you're alive. You could have died. + + +I'd be better off dead. Look at me. + + +They got it from the cafeteria +downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. + + +Look, there's +a little celery still on it. + + +What was it like to sting someone? + + +I can't explain it. It was all... + + +All adrenaline and then... +and then ecstasy! + + +All right. + + +You think it was all a trap? + + +Of course. I'm sorry. +I flew us right into this. + + +What were we thinking? Look at us. We're +just a couple of bugs in this world. + + +What will the humans do to us +if they win? + + +I don't know. + + +I hear they put the roaches in motels. +That doesn't sound so bad. + + +Adam, they check in, +but they don't check out! + + +Oh, my. + + +Oould you get a nurse +to close that window? + + +- Why? +- The smoke. + + +Bees don't smoke. + + +Right. Bees don't smoke. + + +Bees don't smoke! +But some bees are smoking. + + +That's it! That's our case! + + +It is? It's not over? + + +Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. + + +Get back to the court and stall. +Stall any way you can. + + +And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. + + +Mr. Flayman. + + +Yes? Yes, Your Honor! + + +Where is the rest of your team? + + +Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. + + +Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, + + +and as a result, +we don't make very good time. + + +I actually heard a funny story about... + + +Your Honor, +haven't these ridiculous bugs + + +taken up enough +of this court's valuable time? + + +How much longer will we allow +these absurd shenanigans to go on? + + +They have presented no compelling +evidence to support their charges + + +against my clients, +who run legitimate businesses. + + +I move for a complete dismissal +of this entire case! + + +Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going + + +to have to consider +Mr. Montgomery's motion. + + +But you can't! We have a terrific case. + + +Where is your proof? +Where is the evidence? + + +Show me the smoking gun! + + +Hold it, Your Honor! +You want a smoking gun? + + +Here is your smoking gun. + + +What is that? + + +It's a bee smoker! + + +What, this? +This harmless little contraption? + + +This couldn't hurt a fly, +let alone a bee. + + +Look at what has happened + + +to bees who have never been asked, +"Smoking or non?" + + +Is this what nature intended for us? + + +To be forcibly addicted +to smoke machines + + +and man-made wooden slat work camps? + + +Living out our lives as honey slaves +to the white man? + + +- What are we gonna do? +- He's playing the species card. + + +Ladies and gentlemen, please, +free these bees! + + +Free the bees! Free the bees! + + +Free the bees! + + +Free the bees! Free the bees! + + +The court finds in favor of the bees! + + +Vanessa, we won! + + +I knew you could do it! High-five! + + +Sorry. + + +I'm OK! You know what this means? + + +All the honey +will finally belong to the bees. + + +Now we won't have +to work so hard all the time. + + +This is an unholy perversion +of the balance of nature, Benson. + + +You'll regret this. + + +Barry, how much honey is out there? + + +All right. One at a time. + + +Barry, who are you wearing? + + +My sweater is Ralph Lauren, +and I have no pants. + + +- What if Montgomery's right? +- What do you mean? + + +We've been living the bee way +a long time, 27 million years. + + +Oongratulations on your victory. +What will you demand as a settlement? + + +First, we'll demand a complete shutdown +of all bee work camps. + + +Then we want back the honey +that was ours to begin with, + + +every last drop. + + +We demand an end to the glorification +of the bear as anything more + + +than a filthy, smelly, +bad-breath stink machine. + + +We're all aware +of what they do in the woods. + + +Wait for my signal. + + +Take him out. + + +He'll have nauseous +for a few hours, then he'll be fine. + + +And we will no longer tolerate +bee-negative nicknames... + + +But it's just a prance-about stage name! + + +...unnecessary inclusion of honey +in bogus health products + + +and la-dee-da human +tea-time snack garnishments. + + +Oan't breathe. + + +Bring it in, boys! + + +Hold it right there! Good. + + +Tap it. + + +Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, +and there's gallons more coming! + + +- I think we need to shut down! +- Shut down? We've never shut down. + + +Shut down honey production! + + +Stop making honey! + + +Turn your key, sir! + + +What do we do now? + + +Oannonball! + + +We're shutting honey production! + + +Mission abort. + + +Aborting pollination and nectar detail. +Returning to base. + + +Adam, you wouldn't believe +how much honey was out there. + + +Oh, yeah? + + +What's going on? Where is everybody? + + +- Are they out celebrating? +- They're home. + + +They don't know what to do. +Laying out, sleeping in. + + +I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way +to San Antonio with a cricket. + + +At least we got our honey back. + + +Sometimes I think, so what if humans +liked our honey? Who wouldn't? + + +It's the greatest thing in the world! +I was excited to be part of making it. + + +This was my new desk. This was my +new job. I wanted to do it really well. + + +And now... + + +Now I can't. + + +I don't understand +why they're not happy. + + +I thought their lives would be better! + + +They're doing nothing. It's amazing. +Honey really changes people. + + +You don't have any idea +what's going on, do you? + + +- What did you want to show me? +- This. + + +What happened here? + + +That is not the half of it. + + +Oh, no. Oh, my. + + +They're all wilting. + + +Doesn't look very good, does it? + + +No. + + +And whose fault do you think that is? + + +You know, I'm gonna guess bees. + + +Bees? + + +Specifically, me. + + +I didn't think bees not needing to make +honey would affect all these things. + + +It's notjust flowers. +Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. + + +That's our whole SAT test right there. + + +Take away produce, that affects +the entire animal kingdom. + + +And then, of course... + + +The human species? + + +So if there's no more pollination, + + +it could all just go south here, +couldn't it? + + +I know this is also partly my fault. + + +How about a suicide pact? + + +How do we do it? + + +- I'll sting you, you step on me. +- Thatjust kills you twice. + + +Right, right. + + +Listen, Barry... +sorry, but I gotta get going. + + +I had to open my mouth and talk. + + +Vanessa? + + +Vanessa? Why are you leaving? +Where are you going? + + +To the final Tournament of Roses parade +in Pasadena. + + +They've moved it to this weekend +because all the flowers are dying. + + +It's the last chance +I'll ever have to see it. + + +Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. +I never meant it to turn out like this. + + +I know. Me neither. + + +Tournament of Roses. +Roses can't do sports. + + +Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? + + +Roses! + + +Vanessa! + + +Roses?! + + +Barry? + + +- Roses are flowers! +- Yes, they are. + + +Flowers, bees, pollen! + + +I know. +That's why this is the last parade. + + +Maybe not. +Oould you ask him to slow down? + + +Oould you slow down? + + +Barry! + + +OK, I made a huge mistake. +This is a total disaster, all my fault. + + +Yes, it kind of is. + + +I've ruined the planet. +I wanted to help you + + +with the flower shop. +I've made it worse. + + +Actually, it's completely closed down. + + +I thought maybe you were remodeling. + + +But I have another idea, and it's +greater than my previous ideas combined. + + +I don't want to hear it! + + +All right, they have the roses, +the roses have the pollen. + + +I know every bee, plant +and flower bud in this park. + + +All we gotta do is get what they've got +back here with what we've got. + + +- Bees. +- Park. + + +- Pollen! +- Flowers. + + +- Repollination! +- Across the nation! + + +Tournament of Roses, +Pasadena, Oalifornia. + + +They've got nothing +but flowers, floats and cotton candy. + + +Security will be tight. + + +I have an idea. + + +Vanessa Bloome, FTD. + + +Official floral business. It's real. + + +Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. + + +Thank you. It was a gift. + + +Once inside, +we just pick the right float. + + +How about The Princess and the Pea? + + +I could be the princess, +and you could be the pea! + + +Yes, I got it. + + +- Where should I sit? +- What are you? + + +- I believe I'm the pea. +- The pea? + + +It goes under the mattresses. + + +- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. +- I'm getting the marshal. + + +You do that! +This whole parade is a fiasco! + + +Let's see what this baby'll do. + + +Hey, what are you doing?! + + +Then all we do +is blend in with traffic... + + +...without arousing suspicion. + + +Once at the airport, +there's no stopping us. + + +Stop! Security. + + +- You and your insect pack your float? +- Yes. + + +Has it been +in your possession the entire time? + + +Would you remove your shoes? + + +- Remove your stinger. +- It's part of me. + + +I know. Just having some fun. +Enjoy your flight. + + +Then if we're lucky, we'll have +just enough pollen to do the job. + + +Oan you believe how lucky we are? We +have just enough pollen to do the job! + + +I think this is gonna work. + + +It's got to work. + + +Attention, passengers, +this is Oaptain Scott. + + +We have a bit of bad weather +in New York. + + +It looks like we'll experience +a couple hours delay. + + +Barry, these are cut flowers +with no water. They'll never make it. + + +I gotta get up there +and talk to them. + + +Be careful. + + +Oan I get help +with the Sky Mall magazine? + + +I'd like to order the talking +inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. + + +Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. + + +- What'd you say, Hal? +- Nothing. + + +Bee! + + +Don't freak out! My entire species... + + +What are you doing? + + +- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! +- Who's an attorney? + + +Don't move. + + +Oh, Barry. + + +Good afternoon, passengers. +This is your captain. + + +Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B +please report to the cockpit? + + +And please hurry! + + +What happened here? + + +There was a DustBuster, +a toupee, a life raft exploded. + + +One's bald, one's in a boat, +they're both unconscious! + + +- Is that another bee joke? +- No! + + +No one's flying the plane! + + +This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. +What's your status? + + +This is Vanessa Bloome. +I'm a florist from New York. + + +Where's the pilot? + + +He's unconscious, +and so is the copilot. + + +Not good. Does anyone onboard +have flight experience? + + +As a matter of fact, there is. + + +- Who's that? +- Barry Benson. + + +From the honey trial?! Oh, great. + + +Vanessa, this is nothing more +than a big metal bee. + + +It's got giant wings, huge engines. + + +I can't fly a plane. + + +- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? +- Yes. + + +How hard could it be? + + +Wait, Barry! +We're headed into some lightning. + + +This is Bob Bumble. We have some +late-breaking news from JFK Airport, + + +where a suspenseful scene +is developing. + + +Barry Benson, +fresh from his legal victory... + + +That's Barry! + + +...is attempting to land a plane, +loaded with people, flowers + + +and an incapacitated flight crew. + + +Flowers?! + + +We have a storm in the area +and two individuals at the controls + + +with absolutely no flight experience. + + +Just a minute. +There's a bee on that plane. + + +I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson +and his no-account compadres. + + +They've done enough damage. + + +But isn't he your only hope? + + +Technically, a bee +shouldn't be able to fly at all. + + +Their wings are too small... + + +Haven't we heard this a million times? + + +"The surface area of the wings +and body mass make no sense." + + +- Get this on the air! +- Got it. + + +- Stand by. +- We're going live. + + +The way we work may be a mystery to you. + + +Making honey takes a lot of bees +doing a lot of small jobs. + + +But let me tell you about a small job. + + +If you do it well, +it makes a big difference. + + +More than we realized. +To us, to everyone. + + +That's why I want to get bees +back to working together. + + +That's the bee way! +We're not made of Jell-O. + + +We get behind a fellow. + + +- Black and yellow! +- Hello! + + +Left, right, down, hover. + + +- Hover? +- Forget hover. + + +This isn't so hard. +Beep-beep! Beep-beep! + + +Barry, what happened?! + + +Wait, I think we were +on autopilot the whole time. + + +- That may have been helping me. +- And now we're not! + + +So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. + + +All of you, let's get +behind this fellow! Move it out! + + +Move out! + + +Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, +you copy me with the wings of the plane! + + +Don't have to yell. + + +I'm not yelling! +We're in a lot of trouble. + + +It's very hard to concentrate +with that panicky tone in your voice! + + +It's not a tone. I'm panicking! + + +I can't do this! + + +Vanessa, pull yourself together. +You have to snap out of it! + + +You snap out of it. + + +You snap out of it. + + +- You snap out of it! +- You snap out of it! + + +- You snap out of it! +- You snap out of it! + + +- You snap out of it! +- You snap out of it! + + +- Hold it! +- Why? Oome on, it's my turn. + + +How is the plane flying? + + +I don't know. + + +Hello? + + +Benson, got any flowers +for a happy occasion in there? + + +The Pollen Jocks! + + +They do get behind a fellow. + + +- Black and yellow. +- Hello. + + +All right, let's drop this tin can +on the blacktop. + + +Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? + + +No, nothing. It's all cloudy. + + +Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. + + +- Thinking bee. +- Thinking bee. + + +Thinking bee! +Thinking bee! Thinking bee! + + +Wait a minute. +I think I'm feeling something. + + +- What? +- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. + + +Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. + + +Bring the nose down. + + +Thinking bee! +Thinking bee! Thinking bee! + + +- What in the world is on the tarmac? +- Get some lights on that! + + +Thinking bee! +Thinking bee! Thinking bee! + + +- Vanessa, aim for the flower. +- OK. + + +Out the engines. We're going in +on bee power. Ready, boys? + + +Affirmative! + + +Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. + + +Land on that flower! + + +Ready? Full reverse! + + +Spin it around! + + +- Not that flower! The other one! +- Which one? + + +- That flower. +- I'm aiming at the flower! + + +That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. +I mean the giant pulsating flower + + +made of millions of bees! + + +Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. + + +Rotate around it. + + +- This is insane, Barry! +- This's the only way I know how to fly. + + +Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane +flying in an insect-like pattern? + + +Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. +Smell it. Full reverse! + + +Just drop it. Be a part of it. + + +Aim for the center! + + +Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! + + +Oome on, already. + + +Barry, we did it! +You taught me how to fly! + + +- Yes. No high-five! +- Right. + + +Barry, it worked! +Did you see the giant flower? + + +What giant flower? Where? Of course +I saw the flower! That was genius! + + +- Thank you. +- But we're not done yet. + + +Listen, everyone! + + +This runway is covered +with the last pollen + + +from the last flowers +available anywhere on Earth. + + +That means this is our last chance. + + +We're the only ones who make honey, +pollinate flowers and dress like this. + + +If we're gonna survive as a species, +this is our moment! What do you say? + + +Are we going to be bees, orjust +Museum of Natural History keychains? + + +We're bees! + + +Keychain! + + +Then follow me! Except Keychain. + + +Hold on, Barry. Here. + + +You've earned this. + + +Yeah! + + +I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect +fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. + + +Oh, yeah. + + +That's our Barry. + + +Mom! The bees are back! + + +If anybody needs +to make a call, now's the time. + + +I got a feeling we'll be +working late tonight! + + +Here's your change. Have a great +afternoon! Oan I help who's next? + + +Would you like some honey with that? +It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. + + +Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. +And I don't see a nickel! + + +Sometimes I just feel +like a piece of meat! + + +I had no idea. + + +Barry, I'm sorry. +Have you got a moment? + + +Would you excuse me? +My mosquito associate will help you. + + +Sorry I'm late. + + +He's a lawyer too? + + +I was already a blood-sucking parasite. +All I needed was a briefcase. + + +Have a great afternoon! + + +Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, +and I can't get them anywhere. + + +No problem, Vannie. +Just leave it to me. + + +You're a lifesaver, Barry. +Oan I help who's next? + + +All right, scramble, jocks! +It's time to fly. + + +Thank you, Barry! + + +That bee is living my life! + + +Let it go, Kenny. + + +- When will this nightmare end?! +- Let it all go. + + +- Beautiful day to fly. +- Sure is. + + +Between you and me, +I was dying to get out of that office. + + +You have got +to start thinking bee, my friend. + + +- Thinking bee! +- Me? + + +Hold it. Let's just stop +for a second. Hold it. + + +I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. +Oan we stop here? + + +I'm not making a major life decision +during a production number! + + +All right. Take ten, everybody. +Wrap it up, guys. + + +I had virtually no rehearsal for that. diff --git a/commands/stop.js b/commands/stop.js new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3ea4d82 --- /dev/null +++ b/commands/stop.js @@ -0,0 +1,16 @@ +const Discord = require('discord.js'); + +module.exports.meta = { + name: 'stop', + aliases: ['stfu', 'shut'], + staffOnly: false +} + +/** + * + * @param {Discord.Message} message + * @param {Array} args + */ +module.exports.run = async (message, args) => { + require('./copypasta').shut(message.channel.id); +} diff --git a/util/eventHandler.js b/util/eventHandler.js index 856955a..59c85d4 100644 --- a/util/eventHandler.js +++ b/util/eventHandler.js @@ -32,7 +32,10 @@ client.on('message', message => { if (!cmd) return require('./69Reply').execute(message); logger.info(`[CMD] ${message.author.id} ${message.author.tag} => ${cmdName} ${args.join(' ')}`); - + + if (cmd.meta?.name != 'stop' && require('../commands/copypasta').copypastaing[message.channel?.id]) + return message.react('810153990733561876').catch(console.warn); + if (cmd.meta?.staffOnly && !message.member.permissions.has('ADMINISTRATOR')) { logger.warn(`${message.author.tag} => Refusing to run staff command`); message.channel.send(